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CAN EMPATHS BE REPELLING?? PLZ HELP

 I am trying to figure out if I am an empath or not. I identify with many of the characteristics, but the one that I identify 100% completely even before I knew what an empath was, is my ability to see through people, an inherent sense of what people are really thinking, who they really are, and how they try to hide/protect themselves through the projection of their ego. Another thing that I think is Empath in nature, is the fact that I have literally lived by the "Golden Rule" my whole life. My Dad told it to me when I was a child to "treat others how you would like to be treated". It wasn’t something that I thought about or tried to do, its just ingrained in who I am. To this day, I treat people better than myself, always putting their needs before mine.

 Even though I have these good things about me that you might think would attract friends, the fact is, all of my life people have been put-off by me. Starting in elementary school when they called me a "goody-goody". In high school they thought I was stuck up and feeling better than everyone else but it was the complete opposite! I never have had good self-esteem, or even friends. I  would eat lunch alone in the library, pretending that I had homework b/c I had no-one to sit with. Sometimes I would hide in a bathroom stall waiting for lunch to be over. I called home sick a lot because I couldn't handle it! I started dumbing myself down so that I wouldn't offend people, hoping that would be the cure to help me win friends. I put myself down to make others more comfortable. I didn't want to be better than anyone! I only wanted friends. But it didn't work. It made me so feel so helpless, depressed, and unworthy of love. 

  Now days people call me a hippy or stoner because I try to keep peace and diffuse any angry or judgmental conversations, as it makes me uncomfortable.  I wait tables so although sometimes I am screaming on the inside, I try (often unsuccessfully) extremely hard to hide my feelings. I get emotional a lot at work so I get there as late as possible, and leave as early as possible. I call in sick whenever I think I can get away with it, and get nervous around certain customers, co-workers, and managers, who don't seem to like me much at all. I bend over backwards trying to show them I care and try to help everyone out, doing people favors that they don't return, and allowing people to demand a lot out of me, with no thanks in return. Its exhausting but I am learning to set up boundaries one day at a time.

 I think it may be that although I never want to hurt anyone, I am consistently finding myself exposing parts of people that they did not want exposed. People, most often, don't appreciate this. I realized this was a huge issue with me and I have gotten much better at calming this part of me down, so that I don't accidently offend someone, but a lot of times it is unconscious. Its like I literally cannot help it. I feel like people can somehow tell that I see right through them, even if I don't say much. People seem to want to keep their distance from me, not getting too deep into conversations, and especially not wanting to be alone with me. My mom says I "over-analyze" people but for me, its not about analyzing as much as it is just realizing, without any effort, what is going on with them inside, and why they are projecting the way that they are on the outside.

I literally feel crazy sometimes because I am trying so hard to be this introverted extrovert and make friends. I have a few close friends that I cherish, but I don’t make new ones. And that’s fine, but I at least want to feel like I can have some connections with people, even if they don’t want to be my "friend". People go out after work a lot and although I probably wouldn't want to go, it would be nice to get invited for once. And I do have some co-workers who like me a lot, but they still never invite me to go out with them, and if certain people are around, they seem to forget I am even there. I am longing for a closeness that others stray away from. Am I too intense? I am usually rather quiet. I don’t know. Anyone else who is dealing with this or can give me some insight on my issues, please do. I am confused at how to be me sometimes.

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  • Hi Drea, after reading your post it's like you are describing me word for word. I've only just began to accept that I am an emapth, I always have been, I just realise it now after years of searching for reasons why I am the way I am and why I can never fit in wherever I go. I've always just wanted to be like everyone else, but I never will no matter how hard I try. I've always felt alone, but it's good to know there are other people like me.
    • I no longer feel the need to fit in with others either, for the first time in my life, and it has actually helped me to have better relationships with aquantances b/c I no longer get bummed out when they don't invite me along after work, I realize that they can sense my vibe which is probably hard for them to relate to... and I am actually seeing people tell me more often that they appreciate who I am as a person, that they enjoy working with me, I am always so nice they say, I still don't get invited out, but this is what it is and I am appreciating it now instead of looking down on myself...

    • IKR its the weirdest thing when you find out that it is actually a thing. I always knew I was different, and wanted to find people like me, and even expected that others were like me, they maybe just hid it better than I did, and I actually did try hiding it for awhile to fit in, I consider that period of time the time that I really truly lost myself. And then it happened again recently, for different reasons... Drugs/alcohol to cope with icky feelings,... Now I am coming out of a darkness again, this time with more knowledge and an intense drive to find myself and really be who I am meant to be. I am really excited for the future for the first time in my life, and also this is the first time in 15 years that I do not have any urge to drink/do drugs! its completely amazing b/c I always said (or knew somehow) that I would give up my bad habits by age 30, which is now! I doubted it the last year, as things got really bad, but then I made a huge change (leaving a bad environment) and now everything is SO different, and I actually have accomplished this (sobriety) and pretty close to my Bday since it was just in Feb. Its amazing how I always knew this would happen somehow, but I knew I couldn't just give it up, I knew I would have to have a reason for it, and now finally coming with the understanding of myself, this month I have only drank 3 beers, and haven't smoked any weed, which is unheard of for me. I used to drink (a shit ton) every day, smoke weed every day, and do hard drugs as well unfortunately, got addicted to some pretty bad stuff, I just cannot stress how amazing this is to finally feel free of those things that I used to need so desperately. And the fact that it all happened right after my 30th bday like I always knew it would somehow... wow.... I feel blessed to have found this info out, I no longer feel crazy.. lol. well sometimes but in a good way haha :) I want to help other people who may be going through the same thing, but how could I find them? I wonder how many addicts are confused just confused lonely people...

    • I too have struggled with addiction for many years Drea. And I also get the I'm so nice as well but never get invited to anything. I would never go anyway, but as you said, it's just nice to be asked and validated. I've used drugs and alcohol for years to cope with the constant overwhelm but I'm beginning to realise that the only way to deal with it is to learn to release all the pent up emotion I've been storing up since I was a child. I've also slipped in and out of some dark places over the years but I always manage to come out of it. It's like I know no matter how bad things get, I will survive it. I also like what you said about using our gift as a tool for self realisation. I'm really going to start working on that. Thank you so much for telling your story, it's given me some hope to finally start moving forward as I've felt stuck for so many years. i always always feel at the mercy of others emotions, moods, vibes etc I don't actually know what is me and what is them if that makes any sense. Anyway, I certainly know and agree with what you said about empaths repelling people because it happens to me everyday and it hurts me to think that people feel judged by me because it is not my intention.
  • No, an empath cannot be a repellant. To me an empath is someone living the human experience. A human that is conciously awake. Problem is there are even empaths that are still ruled by their ego, even at a moment of clarity they soon fall back into the slums of their minds. The ego likes to identify you with it and most times it just comes threw the back door without you knowing once you think you see it, bam, it's behind you and you don't even know ow it. People like to exult themselves so of course if you take something like the title of an empath that comes with these powerful or exlusive abulities, of course the ego is coming in to rule the ruste and palute truth and tell you that an empath is separate, special, different from everyone else, mask it with colors and mental images but at the core of everyone there is no you and ne, only oneness. We even as humans are all the same, same ingredients, same abulities, same possibilities. It's the ego that says different, ever notice how many things we all have in common as humans? Everyone can be an empath at what an empath is, empath is just a word to recognise and separate, a title. You are very intuned! Probably more than a lot 9f people are, very sensitive to your environment. If you learn about the ego it will kill to protect it's exsistance, so how much more will it violently push away anything that thretins it's exsistance such as a person more intuned that it's host. All my abulities I have found and practiced and developed since probably before I was 14. 1 month ago I found out what an empath even was, never even heard the name before. So please, get this identify with am I am I not and empath far away from you. In the Hindu religion, in Bhagivad Gita, a Yogi is instructed to live in isolation, this alaws you to concentrate on what is real without distraction, don't be ashamed that you don't fit in, it's the world and it will kill you, like you said "I wouldn't want to go but 8t would be nice to get invited once" even in yourself, the only place you experience this life, you already know it's not good for you. So look, in your friend, in everybody's friend, but if you want a meaningful or intended friendship with someone, that will only happen if you develop it, so in the case of me, if a friend is what you want, let's start messaging.

    • Yes, I realize that labels do diminish things by putting them into categories, but it does allow us to share our experiences so I see it as a tool rather than a hindrance. A tool for self-realization.. I don't think that my ego is what wants adopt the empath title, it is actually quite the opposite. I have been weary to adopt that title because I do not want to sound like I think I am special, or separate. Failing to honor who I am as a person has been bringing me down in life, so I believe I should try to start loving myself more by appreciating my differences. We are all one, yes, but we also have to honor our uniqueness and individuality, it is what makes us, us. I think that individuation and self-realization is one of the most important things that we can do with our time here on earth, in order to make it a better place. If the term empath is something that helps us to describe our experiences, it is a tool, not an ego-driven mechanism like you are saying. I am sure some people might use it that way, but to say in such a general statement that this is what is going on, I don't know if I believe that. The reason I asked was because I was curious if others had the same experience as me. You say an empath cannot be a repellent, that it is someone living the human experience, but if people avoiding you is a human experience, how can you say that it is not an empath one? I am not trying to exalt myself, this is simply a way for me to try and find out more about who I am as a person.  I will come back to this and message you once I have more time. Gotta get to work!! :)

    • I see. Well, it is a beautiful concept and please do not take it ring, 8 do not know you and most of what I have said was a stage so you could better grasp my message to you. Not that it was who you are. So first, how rude of me, I never did answer your question, kinda loose myself in things, easy for me to do, my friends would tell you that loosing my point and traveling far from the topic is probobly my mo. Yes, an empath is a repellant. This is why, in my opinion from what I have learned, you must understand everything in this world, not, on this Earth but in the world, the society around us, our work, our governments, wars we fight, yes, even Facebook and social Medea, movies, music, all of these things you live every day were built by our greatest enimy; or ego, there it is again. Everything I just mentioned and more, everything you see and experience is the ego, it is the ego that has created these things, everything, one of the greatest problems with the world and humanity and always has been is that we think that voice in our head that we call thought is us, but it is not, we are not our thoughts and although we thing we use our mind, it is actually using us, which for understanding each other sake, if you want me to go more further into explanation, ask and I will, but our mind uses us, we think that voice is ours but that is throne of the ego. we think to ourselves like you said these differences are beautiful and creat uniqueness, but that uniqueness is what separates you, that speration is why you are not answering your own questions or feeling a lasting peace that separates you from what you feel. People don't know what the ego is but anything external was never you, never part of you, ever, but 5he ego is alive and wants to live this life in 5he world it built threw humanity, so if you discover these differences between us are just empty lies that separates us the ego will not thrive. And there for it's very life is threatened. You cannot escape the ego 8b this world, people think that the weirdo ontop of the hill living off the grid has lost his mind, and that's just it, he has, he uses his mind, his mind has become a tool, he has learned something great, he has learned even if he dies not have the words to describe it, but he has learned that the world and jobs and social status and facebook lol and everything built around him is the same enimy living within him. The ego. As you stated you tend to expose people, and what happens, they repoek from you, why? Cuz their ego in that moment is threatened, you are doing something it's host cannot detect but it can, you are showing a higher conciousness, something that can free their host from them cuz you hold an ability far greater than it, truth, truth and the ability to expose their ego by showing them the same true nature in then the ego hides from them. So yes, in my opinion, empaths 8bvthat sense are reppelents :)
  • Hi Andrea, like you I am trying to figure out who I am and what gifts I possess.  Unfortunately, I am in my 60's now and only within the past few years have I started to figure this out,  hope you can find your answers more quickly than I.  Here's what I have learned about the "repelling" thing:  when I meet someone, I have this ability to size them up almost immediately just from the emotional "waves" they emit that I seem to be able to pick up.  I then begin to "reflect" back to them, I am able to pick up and adopt their style of speech, their mannerisms, and their body language.  It seems to establish an instant rapport with most people,  however, if the person is an "emotional vampire" the personality that I reflect back to them is not a flattering one, they seem to sense this, and they take an immediate disliking to me.  For many years I thought it was something that was wrong with me, now I realize it is a fault that lies within them, I am merely reflecting back to them like an emotional mirror. - Curtis

    • Wow, that is some really good insight. I do the same thing with picking up their mannerisms, speech, etc. That does explain the repelling well also. I am excited to go out into the world now and see what I can find out from my interactions with others! Thank you for sharing :)

    • I would also maybe like to communicate back and forth with you if you like message me so we can.
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